Getting A Little Personal: Part 4 Home Schooling

The Prelude
Part 1: Early Education
Part 2: MisEducation
Part 3: Educating Them & Us
Part 4: Home Schooling
Part 5: Return to Education
Part 6: Education of a Mayor
The Epilogue

Thank goodness school is not the only place that we get our education. I lived in a home with a very strong black mother. I purposefully identify her as a black mother because that has real meaning to me.

My Mother was Black
My mother was a black woman who in 1952 was given a scholarship to historic Spelman College in Atlanta. That was completely unheard of in her little small town of Indiana Rock , Virginia. She went there for two years before moving to the big city of New York. I asked my mother once how she went from her little town to New York and her answer shocked me. She told me that at that time families from New York advertised in small town newspapers for domestic help. Domestic help? Like a maid? I was shocked. My mother worked as someone's maid. That is the contradiction of black life. A black woman who graduates second in her class, goes away to college can still wind up working as a maid. I had always heard my mother talking about working for the Lotker's, but I never knew that is what working meant.

At the same time that I learned about my mother it is the first time that I was also learning that that is what my Aunt Vicky was also doing in New York. The Aunt Vicky that I knew had a master's degree and worked as a counselor. She traveled the country and was one of the smartest women that I ever knew. Another layer of the contradiction. My mother said that they had the time of their lives. While my mother worked as a domestic that is where she met my Aunt Vicky and Aunt Martha. That is where she hung out at the Apollo Theater on her day off and where she met my father. Later when she married my father she was not really accepted by my grandmother who did not like people with dark skin.

Let's Go to a Party
Now, let's go back to the fact that this is the same mother that petitioned the school board to have me moved. Getting the picture? I was quite a bit older when I realized the sacrifices that my mother had made for my brothers and I. Maybe I was about 16 and my mother told me that she was going to Dr. Stadler's for a party. At least that's what I thought she said. The Stadler's were old family friends, the Dr. had been my pediatrician from birth. I knew that my mother had worked for them years ago but still had not tied that whole working thing together. My mother told me to wear something nice and she put on a pretty black dress. We got to their house like I had done many times before, we said hello, and then Mrs. Stadler said everything is in the kitchen. I followed my mother thinking I was going to get something to eat and found out that I was there to help her work a party.

My mother put on an apron like I'd seen in movies. She handed me a tray and told me to carry it in to the guest that where in the dining room. Something dawned on me. In all the years I'd been in their home, I'd never seen the dining room. We had always come in through the back door and only sat in the family room. I was completely out done. My mother wanted me to serve WHITE people that I had always believed were our personal family friends? Are you kidding me? I was a brat and I refused. I sat on a little stool in the kitchen and my heart broke every time I watched my mother go through the door to do something I thought was so demeaning.

I shed tears when I finally realized what my mother had done. A few weeks after this everything in th world made sense to me. I finally knew who I was and how I had come to be me. These people were friends of my mother's and they loved her like family. Because my mother was not too proud to work for them on occasion they gave her unprecedented access to a world that many of my neighborhood friends never knew.

The Good Doctor
My mother's first job in Indianapolis was as their domestic, she cared for their children and their relatives children. One who grew up to be the mayor of Indianapolis. The doctor was very connected in the city. His friend was the school board superintendent that had me tested and moved. It was his friend that wrote a letter for me every year. Whenever my mother ran into an brick wall, he was able to use his influence to help her move it.

The good doctor had been a supporter of our family for years. Now I knew why we always had the best medical care and how we got a personal referral to a high-priced orthodontist who took great interest in me. For the first time I learned how I was transferred to a much better school and how my brother got into a prestigious art school. That's why when I went to college he wrote my letter of recommendation and when I went to graduate school he insisted on completing all of the medical records himself. When I graduated , they sent me a diamond bracelet direct from the jewelry store.

What She Did For Us
She did that for us. She swallowed her pride, she sucked it up, so that we could have incredible advantages. I cried then like I am crying right now. True, I was intelligent. True, I was a hard worker and a good student. But, it was also true that there was an invisible hand moving obstacles out of the way for me and my family. I realized after this experience that the only thing that set me apart from my neighborhood peers was that I was given ACCESS to people, places, and opportunities that I would not otherwise have had. He didn't do the work for us. He simply provided the opportunity. That is what was not happening for the masses of children that looked like me. I understood why my mother never allowed us to complain about how we were being treated by our teachers. She would simply say, "Get your lesson. They have degrees, make sure you get yours. If anyone mistreats you, I'll take care of it." She always did.

What I Must Do
My life changed the day that I realized what had been done for me. My life changed when I understood the scripture that says, "to whom much is given, much is required." That was the day that I decided that I would spend my life making sure that every child that looked like me, and felt like me, would get a chance. I've worked tirelessly from that day to provide access and opportunity for black children. I will do it until I take my last breath.